


gender confusion

by Anonymous



Series: mcyt <3 [12]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, Lowercase, Nonbinary Character, Other, Paradise Found, Trans Character, Trans Darryl Noveschosch, Trans Male Character, Trans Zak Ahmed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:14:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27648701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: "i... have you ever felt like you don't... belong?"
Relationships: Zak Ahmed/Darryl Noveschosch
Series: mcyt <3 [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1998544
Comments: 12
Kudos: 190
Collections: Anonymous





	gender confusion

> _hop on ts?_

bad furrows his eyebrows. teamspeak? he lets out a small sigh, pulling up the teamspeak window. 

he's not really sure what this is about, but skeppy wants to talk, so they'll talk.

skeppy has been acting weird lately, actually, bad thinks to himself.

i mean skeppy's always acting weird, but bad's noticed some distancing and he can't help but worry about it. after all, they're dating, it's so easy to feel worried about your partner, especially when it's someone like skeppy.

"hello? skeppy?" bad looks at the time. "what's up, skeppy?"

"hey, bad," skeppy says slowly.

"hey, i love you," bad hums. "what's going on?"

there's some shifting going on on skeppy's end of the call.

"s'geppy?"

"i have something to tell you," skeppy begins. "i... i need to say it."

"alright?"

"the thing is," skeppy takes in a deep breath. "i-- oh god, i can't say it, i can't, i don't know what i'm doing, oh my god--"

"woah!" bad calls out. "hey, hey, skeppy, breathe, can you do that? breathe for me."

bad takes in a few deep breathes, relieved when skeppy joins in.

"now, skeppy," bad states simply. "it's obvious that whatever you have to say, you're worried about it. you don't have to tell me, and if you do tell me, take your time."

skeppy sniffs.

"aw, 'geppy, i wish i could hug you right now." bad smiles. "i'd press a kiss on your head, too. it's okay, skeppy. whatever it is, i'll still love you, okay?"

"i..." skeppy starts again. "i want to say it."

"yeah?"

"but... i'm also a little worried about it."

"aw, skeppy..."

"but i want to tell you! because-- i need to. i should tell you. and it'll feel better. and i-- know all of this, deep inside of me, but i can't help being worried that you might react strongly, or poorly, or both, or--" skeppy whimpers. "... i can't help feeling scared."

"ah..." bad starts, at a loss for words. "well... being scared is pretty normal, i'd say. just start. you don't have to finish. and i'll always be on your side, no matter what happens, okay, 'geppy?"

skeppy shifts in the chair again.

"i... have you ever felt like you don't... belong?"

bad tilts his head.

"... i mean... yes...?"

skeppy sighs. "i've always felt different. weird? i don't know. but i've always felt as if there was something wrong with me, as if everyone else understood something that i didn't."

bad starts to think that this is sounding familiar.

"i... i didn't really know how to put it into words until recently." a cough. "i'm just... worried. because it took so long and people hate people like me that are different and weird and strange and--" skeppy takes a deep breath. "... i'm scared of being alone."

bad frowns. "i'm here for you, skeppy, no matter what."

skeppy laughs a little. "... yeah. i know."

bad and skeppy stay silent on the line for a moment, letting the moment wash over them. bad can hear the quiet breathing coming from skeppy's side of the line, the deep breaths somehow still wavering and shaky despite it all.

"skeppy?"

"i don't... i don't think i'm a boy."

bad's eyes grow wide.

"but i-- i don't think i'm not... not a boy either." skeppy lets out a small, nervous laugh. "i don't get it either. it doesn't make sense in my head. i guess i'm... nonbinary? but i don't know either. nothing makes any sense to me."

bad swallows.

"and... i don't know. we... we're partners? boyfriends? and i like being your boyfriend, but at the same time i--" skeppy lets out a long grunt. "none of this makes sense."

"skeppy."

"... yeah?"

"is there anything that you think you are?"

skeppy swallows. "... i feel like i'm everything but nothing at the same time. that's just... that's just weird, right?"

bad stills. 

"i mean... i don't know, bad. i'm just... confused."

"you're not confused," bad states slowly. "... just sounds to me like you're questioning your gender."

skeppy blinks.

"skeppy?"

"i liked wearing the dress. um, the maid dress."

bad raises a brow.

"i mean, it was pretty. and i liked the way it felt on me. but i'm not-- i'm not a girl, i think? i mean, i... wouldn't mind being one, but i'm not! but i--" skeppy lets out a strangled groan. "i don't know, i don't know, i don't know--"

bad frowns. "skeppy--"

"bad, i'm just a weirdo, say it, _say it_ to my face!" a thump. "i don't know what to do..."

"maybe you don't have to do anything," bad starts slowly. "maybe you can just be, you can just exist. you don't need -- you don't need pronouns. you don't need to have a definite... grasp on your own gender. maybe you can just say i don't care and simply exist."

"... i mean, i want to know. i want to understand what's going on inside here."

bad frowns. "... i mean, you can always continue your gender journey. no one's stopping you. i'm just saying that the option to be up in the air is there and it's an option you can definitely take, 'geppy."

skeppy lets out a small breath.

for a moment, they're both silent again.

"yeah, you're right," skeppy sighs.

"... yeah?"

"maybe i'll just say any pronouns on my twitter bio," skeppy laughs, and bad thinks that it's been a while since he's heard them laugh quite like that. "they, he, she, who cares."

bad laughs. "yeah."

"and, uh, hey..." skeppy hums. "you're... okay with dating me still, right? like it's not weird, right?"

"well, i suppose i'd call you partner now, but that's not a big deal to me," bad shrugs.

"but like... you know. gender... and stuff."

"skeppy," bad laughs. "you know, uh. i'm no stranger to gender confusion myself."

"... what?"

bad snorts. "i haven't said much because i honestly don't care, but i'm trans. i'm a trans man, so..."

"oh!" skeppy perks up. "wait, woah!"

"mhm," bad hums. "so, trust me when i say i understand and i literally could not care less about your gender." he stops. "well, i mean i care, just--- gah! i love you no matter who you are, 'geppy."

skeppy lets out a relieved hum.

"... yeah. i love you too, bad."

  


  


  


  


**Author's Note:**

> want to talk to me? twitter: @blueboyhalo


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